This is what I get in my cappuccino on many mornings…I’m not kidding. Last Spring I started taking pictures of the little heart that appeared in my cup after the first sip. I thought it was neat…but didn’t take it as a “sign”.
Until it happened again this morning….
Two nights ago the “90 day Feminine Path to Weight Loss Group” met at my office. It was very exciting! We danced…yes danced, went over the program philosophy, talked about going deep, moving with awareness and kindness, and learning to nourish with food, goals, relationships, creativity, and self-love!
The message that I kept repeating to them was about love. Love yourself now; love yourself into the person you want to be.
It’s such a simple message, but oh so hard to do. When you are use to self-blame, “not good enough” talk, and the “comparing and despairing” talk, that becomes the norm. It’s like white noise that plays in your head, but it is so harmful to the core of your being.
This is what I shared with the group and what I had to learn for myself. Getting a handle on this habit was the beginning of the end of my body-food struggle.
1. Become aware of any negative or hateful self-talk and stop it.
2. When ever you catch yourself saying something unkind to yourself – notice it and stop it. And, don’t beat yourself up for beating yourself up. Be patient with yourself.
4. Be the kindest, most nurturing person you can be with yourself.
You can’t change what was said to you or what happened in the past that caused or contributed to your present view of yourself. If you learned to stuff emotions, had to rely on food for comfort, or internalized the anger around you – it that was not your fault.
However, right now, you are the only one who can change your self-talk. Envision your most loved up version of yourself.
Weight loss happens when you love yourself instead of numb yourself with food (booze, busy- ness, work, shopping or the internet).
I’m no purist or perfectionist about all this. There’s room for a bit mindless eating and other habits of avoidance or distraction. Just don’t judge yourself for being human or hang on to habits that make you unhappy.
So why did I call this “Self-love is the new black”?
At the end of the day even if the diet and exercise program works for you, self-love is still what will make you feel and look beautiful. You never tire of it. It’s always in.
Many of us put a lot of thought and energy into being healthy. Even if we are not working out or eating right, we read articles, buy books, go online, set intentions, set goals, etc.
Getting healthy is often one more thing on the “to-do” list. Most women I know…actually all women I know, are not complaining that they are bored. Overwhelmed…yes…bored…no.
My mission as a wellness coach is to make health, well-being, and fitness, simple…especially for women. So, If getting healthy feels like work…
my #1 weight loss + wellness tip is to add rest into your life…yes, rest.
I can hear you either laughing or getting indignant. But continue reading and I’ll tell you why it may be far better then squeezing in a workout.
I get it. I really do. I’m a mom with a toddler, have a business and an elderly parent. I’m not talking about doing more. I’m talking about doing less. This tip runs counter to most advice on losing weight and getting fit.
Many years ago the thought of reading a book in the afternoon was just not an option. My wonderful doctor even warned me, “if you don’t rest when you’re well and healthy, you get to rest when you’re sick and miserable.”
It was great advice. And like all great advice…it’s not enough to just hear it. The messages to “work hard” and “be productive” are in the fabric of our culture. Besides, I liked getting things accomplished and burning calories was always on my to-do list.
It took getting very sick – not being able to be in 5th gear all the time – to make me, finally experience the ease of being in 3rd gear. And, lo and behold…I stayed fit by doing less.
I discovered something that I had never read in articles on weight loss. Since I didn’t push myself so much, I didn’t need as many sweets and treats to keep going. Doesn’t that make sense?
Also, I allowed myself the state of rest. Mentally, I wasn’t “shoulding on myself” all the time. Constantly riding yourself with “shoulds” and expectations creates a chronic state of stress that drives up cortisol (a stress-related hormone). Emotional stress such as guilt, lingering pain from past hurts, and self-destructive habits also influence cortisol levels.
Dr. Christiane Northrup M.D., http://drnorthrup.com is an incredible source of information on women’s health. You can read more on the health effects of chronically high cortisol, such as: weight gain, low mood, suppressed immune function, fatigue, insomnia, low sex drive, and muscle and bone loss.
I’m listing these symptoms for awareness not to scare you. I don’t believe that fear is a useful motivator…it just creates more stress.
Teaching a Feminine Path to health means I advise my clients to go against ways of doing that are the norm our culture. These women learn that losing weight and feeling healthier is easier and more enjoyable when you balance the feminine and the masculine.
Summer is coming. Here’s an opportunity to get in some rest and go with the flow of the season. Pretend you live in one of those sane countries (France or Italy), or tropical climates, that make rest a part of the day.
One more thing. It has to be true rest. No list-making in your head. No guilt. It doesn’t count if you are beating yourself up for lying down.
And finally, if you need permission and “de-guilting” call or email me. I would be happy to ease your mind and tell you what I’m not doing today.
Here’s to wellness with ease,